As a child I remember many occasions in which I would be taken to church for hours, not understanding what was happening or what was being said. And there the books I would come across and the images and stories in it that I found fascinating, yet a part of me struggled to find real.
During my teen years I did what was expected of a good Catholic boy, I was baptised, did my Holy Communion, my Confirmation, etc… At that I started to get what religion and faith were all about; I was able to piece it all together. Yet there was something missing.
Although I was a “good” Catholic boy, my heart was in the natural sciences, the Big Bang theory and many more of those fascinating scientific theories, which ironically could be proven and easier to understand.
I didn’t let science cloud my faith over, I simply needed facts and solid evidence. So my quest started at the age of 16, I stopped being a Catholic overnight; I felt it was not “for me”. I did, however, have the strangest and most profound of experiences when I last visited a church, before stopping going, I felt I was embraced by Jesus and he said to me: You are done here!
I lived as an atheist for many years, but it didn’t mean I stopped my quest for “God”. I HAD to UNDERSTAND why he couldn’t be explained the same way the “Law of Energy” can. In my early 20’s I read the Bible from the Genesis to the Apocalypse, and to make matters even more confusing in several Bibles…
At that point the score was 1-0, on God’s favour.
Many years passed, and I can honestly say I had many many wonderful spiritual experiences, some I could rationally explain and others well, I didn’t know what to make of, my logic didn’t extend that far, and science didn’t have the evidence I needed to prove them right or wrong. I only knew it was OK to believe, it felt right.
In my mid 20’s I had discovered a “new way” of living, I had become Spiritual. I chose to believe there was something greater than us, who guides us and helps us in trying times. And still I could not gather enough evidence to prove it right or wrong. It just felt good, that questioning it felt wrong.
Whilst learning about and living spiritually, I came across modalities, therapies and healing arts that complemented the lifestyle; some were an acquired taste, others were so beautiful and profound. I developed an interest in crystals and gems, which to this very moment have brought so much joy, love and happiness to my life, and would take me in the path I am currently in.
I became the best crystal collector I ever knew. I would work to buy gems and minerals, they filled me with you. At first I fell in love with their colours, then I discovered they had properties too! I would sit with them for hours at the time, expecting the “spirits” in them would reveal themselves to me, or the energy in them would suddenly give me “super powers”. I built images in my head where I could do anything with my super gems… and NOTHING would happen.
Some of my friends would share with me how profound their experiences with their crystals where, that I would feel a tad of jealousy and in some instances even think my gems were “broken”.
I still didn’t give up.
One afternoon in a shopping centre, I met a very lively young woman, who started talking to me; I felt comfortable talking to her so I listened to her and shared a good conversation, then she started talking about a “Reiki” thing, and Auras and Chakras… saying I would be interested in that, she simply confused me even further.
I ignored most of what she said, and continued playing with my “broken” gems. I remained hopeful and with an open mind. At the same time I continued my quest for God, or some sort of evidence, I could share with the world.
I persevered using my “broken” gems, and almost out of nowhere I felt a tingling sensation, something was coming out of one of my gems… I closed my eyes and as I did so, I felt the energy growing stronger and stronger, in me, on me, around me and all over me. I just could not believe what I was experiencing. So I dropped the stone I had in my hand and went to get some others, and at that moment I could feel all their energies, I could hear them, feel them, I felt my energy intertwining with my own and everything around me.
At this point I felt a connection and a purpose, which I never ever experienced before. I became hungry for knowledge and started reading about energy, chakras, auras, love, forgiveness, etc. And still at the back of my head I had that question: Where is God? What is he/she?
I gained knowledge, and experienced a great deal in my newly found lifestyle. I started working with Angels, Spirits, energy and things that I could not see yet I could feel it. I was doing yoga, meditating and continued reading whatever book I felt could help me in my quest.
I made observations of some interesting “coincidences”; how some Psychologists and Psychiatrists, after many years of studying the mind would come a “vacuum”, where neither science nor religion could explain some extraordinary events in people’s lives, and subsequently these professionals would become spiritual people. That alone, opened my heart and my eyes too.
I thought to myself: What if there isn’t a God in heaven the way we are made to believe? But, he was with us? In us?
I continued my search for God, many hours of working with minerals and learning from them, speaking to Angels and receiving their teachings, meditating and learning about the Matrix and Morphic Fields! How we are all intertwined and are part of the same, how we are the same.
And then, I had my Eureka moment, I realised that God, never left us, never intended to make us question his intentions or whereabouts. And since we are all the same, are part of a whole, and are here on this planet, on this reality, he is here with us, has always been with us, in us, around us.
When I had that realisation I felt a warmth in my heart, as if God was congratulating me for having figured out this “enigma”. Now, I can truly say I have fulfilled my quest, I have found God, he never left us, he is me, in you, in us, all around us, in every plant and animal we see, in the water we drink, the food we eat, he is nurturing us and nourishing us from the outside in and from the inside out.
All it takes is for us to stop questioning it and allow it to be. And you too can find God and all he/she means.
PS. If you have any feedback or comments, do not hesitate to contact me.